Alright, now it's time for your favorite part, nerds. MATH.

There are 44 brownie points in total, so count how many you've managed to earn. Obviously, the more points...the happier the girlfriend/wife.

We don't care for letter grades here at The Weapon of Mass Instruction; but we do love the kindergarten-style STAR-POWER display.

Score: 1 to 14 =
15 to 25 =
26 to 36 =
36 + =

Here are the lyrics:

I know, I know. You think your SO is the bee's knees. The cat's pajamas. The Chewbacca or..Chewbecca? To your formerly Han Solo act.

But listen, if you do not understand the importance of time for them to chill with their good friends - you'll end up getting resented by your SO, and hated by their group of friends. This is the beginning of the end...of something. Either your friendships, or your relationship - because your friends WILL try to break up that relationship.

No reason you can't have both...just respect the friends.

A bunch of elementary school boys need to be split into teams...and you don't have uniforms? No problem, just have half of them take their shirts off.

I guess this could be fun in some instances, like college class projects...but in corporate America, this seems like a potential nightmare.

This particular phrase was indigenous to the East Coast in 90's, I'm not sure if it is still actively used. It's basically a fun way to say "no, you can't play." When you have a good game going, and you see a...less talented/less liked person walking towards the group with the intention of entering, you simply state out loud: "Tick tock, game lock." Thus announcing that this game is "locked" forthwith, and they will have to keep on moving - or at least wait till the game is over.

...Now that I think about it, this is kind of like when companies have hiring freezes.

Man, "sike" was the coolest thing ever. It totally made lying cool...and even funny. There was nothing you could do about getting "siked!"

friend: "Dude, I'll let you have all my nintendo games if you eat this twinkie I found under the bleachers in gym."
you: "Really? Okaaaaaay....NOM NOM NOM..."
friend: "SIKE! LOL! ROFL! I can't believe you ate that! Oh mannnnn!"
you: aw.

There really isn't any cool version of this left..."Punk'd" was really enjoyable for a while though.

I guess sometimes people just said "cross your heart", without the "and hope to die" addendum, but really - what power did that have? Adding "stick a needle in your eye" just made it all that much more serious. And graphic. Graphically serious. Kids generally don't have a very complete view of death, but we all know that a needle in your eye would REALLY hurt.

Really.

So there was no such thing as a legit promise if someone didn't cross their heart. That made it serious. Deadly serious. You can't "sike!" on a heart-crossed promise. That puts you somewhere on the level of the mean cafeteria lady, and the kid who let the class hamster out of his cage and subsequently let him die a slow painful death from eating too many pencil shavings.

How could you, Ryan.

We don't get anything as dramatic as heart-crossing as adults, but I'm proud to say I still implement the "pinky-swear." ... and I guess there's notary publics, for those inclined.

As a kid, you always had to be on your guard for something. You didn't want to be "it", you didn't want to be around when chores were assigned, "out", and you especially didn't want to catch a disease...like cooties.

This phrase took on many forms: "pitcher:belly itcher" , "kicker:boogie picker*", "kisser:lippy misser".
*mostly used during games of "500"
...What? You never heard that last one? Oh. Nevermind then.

Anyways, if enough people made their voice heard, that pitcher had to yield to the voice of the masses and let someone else pitch.

...hmm...kind of like voting...except less rhymey. If voting just had to involve a bunch of people shouting in rhyme, Bush definitely wouldn't have done two terms.