| | Ah, it feels good to back.
...me not writing is like Elmer Fudd without a speech impediment. It's like Heidi and Spencer without drama. It's a rap concert without a fight breaking out.
I can't have it. Even though I've made some new friends recently and have been hitting the gym 3-4 times a week, I will try and do better with making sure I hone my craft right on this here internet page...and hopefully entertain some of you along the way.
Ever sit at your grown up job and think about how much cooler your life was as a kid? No bills, no 40-hour-a-week-job, no unpaid overtime, no facebook drama...the only things you had to worry about were things like - if mom had time to cut the crust off your sandwich when she was making your lunch for school, or if cartoons were gonna be a re-run when you got home.
Once you get outta high school and college though, the rules all change...and life gets significantly less carefree.
Remember the good ol' days? Things like...
"I am rubber you are glue...whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you."
The ultimate comeback. It will never, ever be topped. Remember, if a kids rule has a rhyme in it - then it is absolutely valid, no questions asked. Johnny Cochrane took this rule and applied it to the courtroom...apparently it worked there too.
"Shirts vs. Skins" "On second thought, put that bird chest away, we'll play primary vs. secondary colors." A bunch of elementary school boys need to be split into teams...and you don't have uniforms? No problem, just have half of them take their shirts off. I guess this could be fun in some instances, like college class projects...but in corporate America, this seems like a potential nightmare.  "Aw yeah. We are so about to bring sexy back."
"Tick tock, game lock"
 This particular phrase was indigenous to the East Coast in 90's, I'm not sure if it is still actively used. It's basically a fun way to say "no, you can't play." When you have a good game going, and you see a...less talented/less liked person walking towards the group with the intention of entering, you simply state out loud: "Tick tock, game lock." Thus announcing that this game is "locked" forthwith, and they will have to keep on moving - or at least wait till the game is over.
...Now that I think about it, this is kind of like when companies have hiring freezes.
"This is my line, don't cross it"
Remember riding in the back seat of the car? Ah, nothing like the A/C blasting, some Billy Joel on the car radio, a tiger handheld, some old McDonalds fries in the creases of the seats, and your annoying sibling.
Hmph. I'll show you, annoying sibling!
*INVISIBLE LINE DRAW*
"Cross this line...and I cannot be responsible for my actions, up to and including strangling you with this Polly-O string cheese that I just found."
This always lasted about three to five minutes, before your sibling decided to see if your threat was legitimate...which then would lead to a fight, which may or may not involve someone's loved possession being thrown out of the window...and eventually leading to the blind swinging of the parent driving into the back seat, attempting to injure, along with the almost always empty threat of "I will turn this car around right now!"
Ah, there's nothing quite as fun as that as an adult...I guess a restraining order is the next best thing.
"Sike!"
 Man, "sike" was the coolest thing ever. It totally made lying cool...and even funny. There was nothing you could do about getting "siked!" friend: "Dude, I'll let you have all my nintendo games if you eat this twinkie I found under the bleachers in gym." you: "Really? Okaaaaaay....NOM NOM NOM..." friend: "SIKE! LOL! ROFL! I can't believe you ate that! Oh mannnnn!" you: aw.  There really isn't any cool version of this left..."Punk'd" was really enjoyable for a while though. "Cross your heart and hope to die?"
(+ optional: "Stick a needle in your eye?")
 I guess sometimes people just said "cross your heart", without the "and hope to die" addendum, but really - what power did that have? Adding "stick a needle in your eye" just made it all that much more serious. And graphic. Graphically serious. Kids generally don't have a very complete view of death, but we all know that a needle in your eye would REALLY hurt.
Really.
So there was no such thing as a legit promise if someone didn't cross their heart. That made it serious. Deadly serious. You can't "sike!" on a heart-crossed promise. That puts you somewhere on the level of the mean cafeteria lady, and the kid who let the class hamster out of his cage and subsequently let him die a slow painful death from eating too many pencil shavings.
How could you, Ryan.
We don't get anything as dramatic as heart-crossing as adults, but I'm proud to say I still implement the "pinky-swear." ... and I guess there's notary publics, for those inclined.
"Base!"
 As a kid, you always had to be on your guard for something. You didn't want to be "it", you didn't want to be around when chores were assigned, "out", and you especially didn't want to catch a disease...like cooties.
Not a problem for those quick thinkers...all you need to do is define yourself a "base." Touch it, step on it, or stand on it and yell "BASE!" and you were safe from most kid-centric hazards.
Diplomatic immunity is pretty much the same thing. Man, that would be a w e s o m e.
"We want a ______ , not a _____-_____er!"
This phrase took on many forms: "pitcher:belly itcher" , "kicker:boogie picker*", "kisser:lippy misser".
*mostly used during games of "500"
...What? You never heard that last one? Oh. Nevermind then.
Anyways, if enough people made their voice heard, that pitcher had to yield to the voice of the masses and let someone else pitch.
...hmm...kind of like voting...except less rhymey. If voting just had to involve a bunch of people shouting in rhyme, Bush definitely wouldn't have done two terms.
I'll catch you guys later.
Oh yeah, until next time... "I don't shut up, I grow up - and when I see your face I throw up!"
What were some of your favorite "kid" rules?
|
| | Posted 6/2/2009 9:24 AM - 483 Views - 76 eProps - 43 comments
- recommend
  - recs9
- share
- email
 - sent0
|
.jpg){kind=small}
