| | Another entry?!?
Oh yes. You haven't seen anyone strike back like this since the Empire, Jay & Silent Bob, OR the O.C. Supertones.
So I'm taking a break from eating these chips and guacamole to bring you some more writing that's more fun than a drunken baby and more educational than Yo Gabba Gabba.
Which kind of sounds like a Spanish Hip Hop group from Philadelphia, or something Rocky would say to a woman who talks a lot...not a kids' show.
I digress.
So you have/want/dream of/will soon have a girlfriend/wife/mistress on the side that you like a lot.
Problem is, women often don't communicate as to exactly what they want - which leaves you either A: completely bewildered and doing the wrong thing, or B: So confused it leads to paralyzation...and you do nothing...letting the relationship just "happen."
Hours/Days/Weeks/Months/Years/Decades later, she tells you she's not happy.
...How were you supposed to know? She never said anything!
WELL NOW YOU CAN KNOW, cause your boy Spidey has your back like superhero capes.
I present to you:
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| Tell her how beautiful she is |
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| Pay for dinner |
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| Take her someplace new |
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| Take her on a picnic |
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| Help around the house |
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| Buy her flowers or a card, just because |
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| Be affectionate to her in public - at least hold hands :) |
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| Remember birthdays and anniversaries |
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| Listen to her intently |
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| Make plans in advance |
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| Compliment her sincerely |
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| Clean up / offer to clean up |
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| Leave/send them handwritten notes |
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| Arrive/Be ready on time |
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| Cook for her |
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Be patient with her
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| Take her on a day trip |
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| Make an effort to look good |
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| Kiss her gently on the forehead and chin |
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| Learn what her favorite things are |
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| Surprise her with food |
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| Let her pick the movie |
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Take her somewhere she can
dress up |
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| Comfort her when she's worried |
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| Listen to her problems |
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| Dance with her, with or without music |
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| Make gentlemanly gestures (open doors, pull out chairs, etc.) |
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| Call when you say you will |
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Be a leader |
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| Fix things. Any kind of thing. |
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| Never, ever lie |
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Alright, now it's time for your favorite part, nerds. MATH. There are 44 brownie points in total, so count how many you've managed to earn. Obviously, the more points...the happier the girlfriend/wife. We don't care for letter grades here at The Weapon of Mass Instruction; but we do love the kindergarten-style STAR-POWER display. Score: 1 to 14 =  15 to 25 =  26 to 36 =  36 + =
I'm not even going to tell you what to do if he's got less than 10 brownie points... *CoughUchDUMPhim!coughAck*!
Sorry, allergies.
Guys, even if you don't have a girlfriend - try and work on those highly coveted boyfriend skillz. The "Z" on the end of skill is how we know it's serious business.
Feel free to put that checklist on your fridge with actual gold star stickers. That would make my day life.
I'm out like shoulders in a tube top.
Current mood:
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| | Posted 6/10/2009 12:04 PM - 6434 Views - 371 eProps - 204 comments
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