| | If you've read my blogs for a bit, you probably know that I'm a big kid. A child of the 80's and PROUD of it.
I saw the original Transformers: The Movie...in 1986. Then bought the VHS tape and watched it till I memorized it.
...and it was awesome. It didn't even need Megan Fox.
What else was awesome was being part of the original Nintendo generation. You name the game, I probably played it and beat it.
One of my favorite parts of old-school gaming?
CHEAT CODES.
Almost every game it seemed like then had some sort of cool little easter egg that the programmers built in. When you got your fresh issue of Nintendo Power...you skipped RIGHT to the section with the codes. The internet was still a glimmer in Al Gore's eye, so obviously there wasn't anywhere else you could get codes...at least until other video game magazines started becoming more published.
 If you were an 80's kid, this was your manual for LIFE.While I could wax nostalgic on and on about the wonder that was 8-Bit Nintendo, I'm gonna put that on a memory card and save it. I'm here to drop some knowledge like a teacher with small hands. I'm going to teach you girls how to push your man's buttons...yup. GIRLFRIEND CHEAT CODES. Instead of that hard level grind from "friend" to "girlfriend" and "girlfriend" to "wifey", I'm gonna give you these secret hints...cheat codes, for our purposes here - to make this a quicker transition. So he's saying to himself: "I DO LIKE IT AND I'M GONNA PUT A RING ON IT."
Disclaimer: These cheat codes are highly effective - so make absolutely sure that he is THE ONE you want to marry. I will not be held responsible for your marriage to a lazy bum who can't figure out how to defrost chicken in the microwave, nor will I appear in divorce court and testify to ANYTHING.
Cheat Code #1:
Hospitality hotness
Hospitality is a dying art. Anyone can watch Rachel Ray or Martha Stewart and know HOW to make a 18-layer hoagie dip, or thrice-marinated wings - but how many women left actually invite people over to entertain for the purpose of building friendships and being hospitable?
When a guy can invite his friends over, and his lady treats them well - that is major bonus points. Maintaining friendships is important to a guy, and it means a lot when his lady shows her care by taking part in his socializing with friends.
For example: if a guy likes to have poker/video game/football game nights with his boys - instead of just telling him "go do whatever it is you men do" - Suggest that you host it at your place, and then offer to set up the food/snacks.
When he and his friends see the effort you put into making sure they're happy, it'll put you that much closer to winning your own personal version of "The Bachelor."
Cheat Code #2:
Special Delivery
You've seen Clerks, right? I believe Silent Bob's only line is: "Man, there are a million fine girls in the world, but not all of them bring you lasagna at work. Most of them just cheat on you. "
Women who will cook for you are great, but a woman who will cook for you and bring it to your place of work? That's downright amazing. Even if you like your job, there is nothing quite like seeing the object of your affections show up with delicious homemade vittles. It makes your whole week - and makes your co-workers envious. It's the male equivalent of sending her flowers to her desk.
Cheat Code #3:
Recovery Boost
Guys are not like computers, they're more like calculators. That is, one function at a time. Not that they can't solve problems effectively, but most of them prefer not to handle more than one at a time.
For this cheat, all you need to know is that when a guy is off of work, he needs a bit of time to recover from solving those problem before he'll feel comfortable helping you tackle yours.
That one-two hour window of him returning from home is the time a man is most craving relaxation. We want to be the person you can count on the most, but after just solving the world's problems at work, it can be hard for us to focus on your issue with your gassy co-worker who is telling everyone else at work "whoever smelt it, dealt it."
I bet most fights occur during that time directly after work, so give guys a little time to chill post-work before you have important "talks" with him. If you can, try and talk to another girlfriend about it first. It'll do wonders for your relationship.
Cheat Code #4
Calvin and Hobbies
Guys love their hobbies. Not as much as they love their girlfriends(hopefully), but they do love their hobbies. Whether it's car building, beer brewing, watching sports, vampire hunting, playing video games, or rollerblading.
Just kidding, no guys love rollerblading.
To that end, what's better than doing your hobby with a person you can make out with after? Or during!?!?!
I can't think of anything right now.
Once you find out what your man likes, give it a try. If you absolutely hate it, then try something else he likes - eventually you should be able to find a hobby that you both can enjoy.
Cheat Code #5
Endorse and Encourage
When you're with someone you love, ultimately they make you want to be a better person. But change and improvement isn't like Mario finding a mushroom and BAM! now he's Super Mario. It takes time to grow. While he's doing his metamorphasis from Clark Kent to Superman, he's going to need plenty of encouragement and support. Constructive criticism is helpful, but it doesn't equate to a good dose of genuine encouragement. If he has dreams, support them - and if he's having a rough time with things, let him know that you still think he's awesome.
There's a reason that sports teams with great fan bases usually perform well.
Think you've got all that? Well then...
 I'm out like Freddie Prinze Jr's acting career. Current mood: |
| | Posted 10/13/2009 10:12 PM - 589 Views - 136 eProps - 78 comments
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